


Hyungs Left, So Why Can't I?

by keykiyoshi7443



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Band Fic, M/M, Multi, Oneshot, Suicide, Suicide Notes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-23
Updated: 2015-09-23
Packaged: 2018-04-22 23:54:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4855460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keykiyoshi7443/pseuds/keykiyoshi7443
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You ever wonder what happened behind closed doors of the Exo dorm?  What they felt when Kris and Luhan left? They hurt, and Sehun was left to pick up the pieces. But what was a broken maknae boy to do?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hyungs Left, So Why Can't I?

**Author's Note:**

> Hello Everyone who decides to read this little oneshot! I will take requests and will write just about anything so just leave a request and I will tyr to write it to the best of my abilities!

It was an understatement to say Sehun was tired and alone. The past three years had been a major emotional roller coaster for him. It had all started out wonderful. He was the beloved maknae and life was good. He was happily (though secretly) dating Luhan and life couldn't be better. That is until one day when Exo-M was promoting in China he got a text.

_"We're through."_

Was all it said, Sehun didn't want to believe it at first. Then the very next day at a press conference sort of thing it was announced that Luhan and Xiumin were dating.

That hurt. The way it was presented right away let Sehun know that Luhan had been cheating on him this entire time. He wasn't good enough anymore. He couldn't make Luhan happy anymore and that was what hurt the most. He loved Luhan so much and it hurt more than Luhan being unfaithful. But Sehun let it be. After all if he started acting weird then everyone would know.

He couldn't make Luhan look bad. Luhan always liked keeping their relationship a secret. Said that the element of danger every time they had sex at the dorm made him feel excited. That's right Luhan took Sehun's virginity too. It took a month but Sehun was able to act normally around Luhan and Xiumin.

Xiumin obviously didn't know about Luhan's old relationship with Sehun, so Sehun felt no need to tell him. Luhan was happy and that's all that matters.

Luhan didn't generally want to be around him anymore so when Exo-M visited Sehun hung around Tao. That's how he learned about their relationship. Tao and Kris had begun dating in secrets from the fans. Sehun smiled just thinking about it. They had been so cute together. They never fought and everything was always right.

But then Kris filed a lawsuit. He left Exo. Their family had started breaking. At least Tao knew beforehand. They planned on keeping their long distance relationship and because their love was strong enough they did. Sehun was insanely jealous. But he was happy for Tao. At least he got a somewhat happy ending.

Then Luhan got sick. He left too. Filed a lawsuit and left their broken family. He obviously didn't love Xiumin as much as he thought because he dumped him the day he left. Xiumin was a mess for a couple months after that. Sehun was there when he needed to be.

In fact after Luhan left, everyone just fell into a depression. So Sehun had to step up. He got his driver’s license and began driving them when they couldn't get a driver. He learned how to cook and made sure their kitchen was fully stocked. He talked with the manager and then began organizing things for Exo. His manager helped him a bit but for the most part decisions for Exo were made by him.

He had everything set up so if Exo failed them each one would have a place to go in SM. he knew that usually after a band broke up the idols lost everything so he was prepared. He carefully set everything up just so.

He took care of the members too. Always getting whatever they needed. He wrote songs and gave the demo tracks to the manager so he could give it to Lay as a demo track from the company. He made dances to go along with the songs and learned how to work all the equipment. When he talked to the manager they had an agreement that the rest of Exo shouldn't know it was him.

It would just mess things up. Sehun sometimes felt angry at the little recognition he got, but if Exo made it through this then it would all be worth it. It was almost time for the comeback. He had slaved over the creation of their album _Call Me Baby._ Everything would go fine and it did. 15 wins later Exo seemed to have their mojo back. It was wonderful.

Sehun could finally relax and enjoy his somewhat broken family. They had healed but they still had a ways to go. Maybe Sehun didn't do enough, or maybe he relaxed too soon. Either way his family was falling apart again. Now Tao was leaving. It wasn't fair.

Sehun worked so hard to put his little family back together. He did everything he could he gave them everything and all he gets is more work? He was the one who helped Tao deal with his long distance relationship.

Sehun had had enough. He was tired. Well his hyungs could leave. They left Exo behind. What's his leaving really going to do? He has everything set up for them anyway so it really won't matter. Besides none of them really cared for him anymore. He was just there, in the shadows making sure everything is ok. Well maybe it was time to start thinking about himself. So he wrote a letter.

Sehun looked at his note. He was satisfied. It said everything it needed to. Now all he had to do was do the deed. He walked to the shelf in his shared room with Suho. He pulled out his Swiss army knife and pulled up his sleeve, revealing his scares. He had cut but it hadn't really helped him deal with the stress well enough, so he'd given up that route months ago.

_It was moments like that that had made him understand why idols turned to drugs._

It was only temporary. So he sat down beside his bed and leaned back against the bed. He put the note beside his head on the bed and pulled the knife across his vein in his wrists. Soon the blood was gushing out of him. He was fading, but he felt no pain. It was nice, just like falling asleep. He heard the door of the dorm opening just as everything went dark. It was over. Oh Sehun was dead.

 

* * *

 

The rest of Exo had been practicing in the studio. It was Tao's last day with Exo and they didn't want to waste it. In all honesty hey had forgotten about Sehun. They only realized halfway through the day that he wasn't with them. He is usually very quiet and just watches everyone else laugh and have fun.

When they came home, they came home to an eerie silence. At first they thought Sehun was out somewhere but then they saw that Suho's door was cracked open. He never leaves his door open. They gently pushed open the door and were greeted with a horrible sight.

Sehun lay against the white bed dressed in simple white shorts and a white T-shirt. The white making the red that had spilled around and on him that much worse. There was blood still leaking out of his slit wrists. The blood highlighted his thin white scars that crossed every which way along his fore arms.

His head lay against the bed. His eyes were open and glassy as they stared off into the distance. He was pale and looked almost drained of blood. Suho held back a chocked gasp. Everyone piled into the room and stood around Sehun's still body. Baekhyun was quietly sobbing and D.O had a shocked look on his face.

Xiumin leaned carefully over his body and gently closed his eyes. Careful to only touch his eyelids. If the blood wasn't so obvious he could have been sleeping. Suho pulled out his phone and called the manager.

He picked up on the first ring "what is it Suho?" came the gruff voice of their manager. Suho tried not to stutter as he sobbed out "i-it's S-Sehun. He he....." Their manager quickly cut Suho off "he really did it then... I'm on my way." Then he hung up. What felt like only a minute later their manager walked in, he griped Suho gently by the shoulders and began to lead them out of the room. Just as they exited the room he yelled behind him "one of you pick up that note beside his bed will ya?" Baekhyun picked it up and clutched it to his chest. When they were all seated in the living room and Sehun's body had been taken away, the manager ran a hand down his face. He sighed and said "well let's read the letter.

 

_Hello hyungs,_

_I am sorry you had to find out like this. It wasn't my original plan but things changed. I suppose you understand what this is right? It's my note, because that's what people do don't they? Leave a note._

_So since this is essentially my last words I am going to come clean and tell you all the truth about what's been going on lately? You see it all started about two years ago. I had been dating Luhan for a year. That's right. We never told you because Luhan didn't want to. I now know why._

_We had been together and I thought we were happy when out of the blue he texts me that we are over. No other explanation. Just three small words. Of course I didn't find out til the next day why he broke up with me._

_It turns out he was cheating on me with Xiumin. But I couldn't tell anyone that I was together with Luhan. It would wreck his happiness and he seemed so happy with Xiumin. I couldn't hurt them so I kept quiet. Oh how I wished someone could have been there for me. He threw away a year of a steady (though secret) relationship._

 

Xiumin gasped softly. Tears leaked out of his eyes

 

_That was just the start of chaotic events. Then Kris left. I can't even be mad at him anymore. He left and I understand why he didn't tell anyone. It's hard to be the first. He was also protecting you and giving you an escape route in case you too were hurt by the idols life._

_He even kept his relationship with Tao so overall it was ok. We may have lost a member but we got a new fan. It could have been worse._

_Then Luhan got sick and decide he wanted to leave too. Now him I can be mad at. He just left us and more importantly Xiumin behind. He didn't even try to find a way to be with Xiumin. He just left Xiumin in a broken state. It was awful._

_But it made me take action. That's when I got control over what happened to Exo. You guys were in such a funk. I got my driver’s license and I planned everything. I wrote our songs and dances and I organized everything. I made sure it all ran smoothly and it payed off._

_You got out of your funk and started actually enjoying it again. Then Tao got injured. Now he's leaving too. That made me think. Well if they are allowed to leave why can't I? I did so much and what is there left for me to do. I am not really that important to the success of Exo anyway._

_By the way I already told manager hyung what I was going to do. I explained what he had to do. You can also talk to him, my story is true. This isn't just a bunch of bullshit._

_Well my leaving is a bit different then everyone else's, as you've no doubt seen by now. I hope I don't get any blood on this. Well I suppose you guys can do one last thing for me right? Just as a dead maknae's wish._

 

By then they were all crying.

 

_Baekhyun hyung, you must get together with Chanyeol hyung ok? You guys are meant to be. I set up that girlfriend so you could rebel and confess your love. Ah well what's done is done. Just promise me you'll try now eh? Keep singing hyung, you'll make it big._

_Chanyeol hyung, that goes for you too. We all know you live Baekhyun and I would have thought you would have done something when he got a girlfriend keep smiling hyung, you guys deserve the happiness._

 

Baekhyun cried into Chanyeols shoulder. Chayeol looked off into the distance with tears in his eyes. How could they not have seen all that their poor maknae had done for them?

 

_D.O hyung, while we are on the topic of couples please announce to everyone you are in a relationship with Kai. I have known for a while but you guys are so cute. You should be allowed to be open about it._

_Kai hyung, be good to D.O hyung ok? Keep on dancing._

_Chen hyung and Lay hyung. I can't say much considering I didn't know you all that well but please continue on. Be strong. I know you are only three of you left in M but you have to look after Xiumin hyung. Be strong, M fighting!_

They couldn't help but smile softly at how he wrote fighting in his suicide note.

_Xiumin hyung, I'm sorry about Luhan and how you had to find out. But you are better off without him. Please be strong and continue to work hard._

_Tao ge I hope you get better and that you and Kris live happily ever after. Please work hard in China. I hope you future gets brighter._

_Suho hyung. I'm sorry for all the chaos I've caused. I really am. I hope you get better hyung. Be strong and please help Exo. I won't be there to pick up the pieces this time._

_Good Luck_

_\- Oh Sehun, former maknae of Exo._

 

Their manager’s voice stopped leaving them in a tense silence. The silence was later broken by a great heaving sob from Xiumin as he buried his head into Lay's shoulder.

They were all very shocked. They had no idea that Sehun had been doing so much for them. They all thought it had been their manager. They also never thought much upon how it was always Sehun that had been there for them when they were down. They never even knew that Sehun was hurt.

They weren't there when he needed them. And that's how they stayed for a while. Tears streaking down their cheeks, unmoving in the somber atmosphere.

 

* * *

 

Exo slowly fell apart after it was revealed that Sehun had committed suicide. But just like Sehun planned all of Exo had been successful after it fell apart. They still meet every anniversary of his death just to get together. All of them, even Kris, Tao and Luhan. On that one day of every year they felt like they were back together again. Even for just a moment.

**Author's Note:**

> Ok so I understand that this is shit, and I'm very sorry this was like my first ever angsty oneshot so of course it turned out bad.


End file.
